Every Dad needs to know how to say – “I am proud of you!”
Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children are their fathers. Proverbs 17:6
I find it heartbreaking when I hear of a young person that makes a decision that will affect their lives in a negative light. I have known too many who have gone down the path of drugs and alcohol because they felt that they needed to escape from their lives. I have spoken with and witnessed to many young ladies involved in abusive relationships that they do not leave because they do not feel or think that they deserve any better. In the last few years, I have associated with more people who have known others who committed suicide more so than any other time of my ministry, or life. In the personal interaction I have had with those of the above situations I do find similarities; one of these similarities is what I would like to build our lesson upon for this segment.
I have found that these young people have or had in some very sad cases, a poor determination of their self-worth. They did not think enough of themselves to try and escape certain situations, others did not believe that they could escape. Many have never thought that they deserved anything different then the life that was leading them toward neglect, the feelings of being a failure, feelings of being unwanted, blamed for problems and situations out of their control, or even feelings that if they were gone the world would be a better place and that no one would even notice.
It saddens me to think that there are young people and older people alike who go about their day feeling so discouraged and thinking thoughts like they are living a life that they believe has no value. It is because of these experiences and observations that I feel the need to address a very needy area in the lives of young people that I believe we can improve. To do so I would like to write to the Dads who will listen and care enough to help.
Dad, I believe you can change the world of a young person by thinking, feeling, living and proclaiming a message that is real from your heart. Dad, your kids, need to know you are proud of them. Kids derive their self-worth, their value as a person, the type of relationship they deserve, the type of career they deserve, the life they should be living based upon the worth you place upon them! Children find their security, boldness, and self-worth so much in their Dad’s influence.
Have you ever just set back and watched as some young people are bold and confident while others are timid and standoffish? A lot of this has to do with their Dad. Dad, how you connected with your kids, how much you make them a part of your life, allowed them to try and fail, knowing that you are there for them either way, has a massive impact on self-worth! Dad, knowing you are proud of us changes who we are now and who we may be in the future.
I remember as a boy my best friend Gregg was signing up for little league. Since Gregg was going to play, I wanted to play too. Here is the thing though, I had never really played baseball before, and I wasn’t the most athletic kid on the field. Dad said I could play, and we went together to sign up for little league. Well to make a long story short, when they started assigning positions I ended up in right field (I think one ball came over this way the whole season)! Baseball was not my game at that time. After several attempts in games, I was coming up short and getting discouraged with my performance. Then one evening after a game Dad and I were riding home, and he said to me “Your game is getting a lot better, I am proud of you!” I forgot all of those bad games in an instant, and I was on cloud nine for the rest of the evening. For the rest of that season, I became consumed with baseball! I was never without my ball glove and a baseball. At the end of the year during our award time I was given the most improved player award, but better then the trophy was my Dad’s smile and the pride that radiated from it. When he put my trophy on the mantel at home was a significant boost for me as well. Dad, in so many cases you determine what your kids think they are worth by what you say and how you respond to them in the low times as well as their high times. The more you believe that the are worth, the more that they are willing to put forth in their lives and the less they are ready to settle for in life.
We have an epidemic in our society today where kids are growing up with little self-worth and little knowledge of how to be a parent. Then, in turn, they do not know how to build their own children’s self-esteem! It takes courage to live in this world! It takes boldness, hard work, and an attitude that believes one can be the best version of themselves. I think that you, Dad, are one the keys to this crisis. The more valuable your kids are to you and the more evident that you make it, the more self-worth they will have and the greater vision they will get for our lives. It’s the daughter who feels she has little value to her Dad that is at a higher risk of settling for a guy who will not value her. Sadly, if a daughter does end up in a relationship with a guy who does not appreciate her, she will already be used to being devalued and will not seek better for herself if you don’t show her value. The son who thinks he has little value to his Dad is at a higher risk of not trying to succeed or thinking his life is of little worth.
Dad, you are a crucial point to their success! Let your kids know that you are proud of them and that they are valuable to you. But do not go overboard demanding results and action for your kids to receive the confirmation of this value. There are times when you need to prod them along and challenge them, but if you are continuously demanding more and never give credit, or if only praise when they perform you are not helping us in the area of self-worth. This behavior is not an expression of being proud of, but rather, of someone wanting results in order to receive validation. Walk carefully here and be supportive of every endeavor.
Dad as you know it is crucial that your kids hear you say these things. To say, “I am proud of you” needs to come naturally and needs to be shown often and with every success they experience. Here are some simple ways to say “ I am proud of you” to your kids:
I am proud of you! You impressed me today. You are the greatest son/daughter in the world. I love you more than anything. You were the best out there (Yell it out during a game, competition, or an appropriate point of success in public “ That is my son/daughter!” It may embarrass us to death, but it makes us feel worth a million bucks!)! I knew you could do it. You’re a chip off the old block. I would not trade you for anyone or anything. I think you are beautiful. You have your mother’s eyes (The association with another builds a connection and increases worth in the heart and mind of someone.) You reminded me of me when I was your age. I could not ask for a better son/daughter. You are my masterpiece (My mother wrote this in a letter to me, had a great impact on me!)! Dad, it is crucial that you say it and that you say it often! Do not hold back; you cannot afford to come up short on words when it comes to your kids. You are investing in their future and their success!
Find a way to say I am proud of you; the more they hear it, the more value they will feel about themselves. Keep in mind, if saying “I am proud of you” builds their self worth then anything negative you lash out with degrades them and tears down their self-worth assessment. Saying it is one half of the need and Showing it is the other half.
Remember your words become discredited when your actions are contrary to them. To say your proud and not show it is worse than never saying it in some instances in a child’s life. When you think of being proud, Dad, what makes you proud? My Dad is an avid fisherman. He loves it and is very good at it. On the wall at his house, he has an enormous fish mounted that he has caught and on display. He does this because he is proud of the fish and the fact that he was the one that caught it! When people come over and comment we all get to hear the story of where and how he caught “the hog.” (I have noticed though that, “the hog” gets bigger and the battle to get it in the boat gets more intense with each telling of the story.) I am happy that my Dad has this to be proud of and that it boosts his self-worth. Now think about it – My Dad and his fish is an excellent way for us to see how to show our pride in our children. To show you value your kids here are a couple of things to consider. Make sure you have pictures of them around where you are, at work, in your wallet, in your briefcase, at your desk, in your glove box, any place you spend any time at all these needs to be present!